I live in an area where most parents are college educated and it isn’t unusual to hear them talking about their kids college aspirations ad nauseum. Usually as you listen it becomes apparent that it is probably more the parents’ desire and less the child’s and the parents’ conversation tends to become more agitated as their student gets older and closer to the goal and hasn’t quite bought into the search. I believe that most of the time the anxiety comes from not having started talking about college naturally and early enough. In my opinion it also comes from what I call “prize” thinking.

Prize thinking to me is when going to college becomes more about the prestigious name than the fit. This was really brought home to me just recently when I was sitting at dinner with someone who asked me if I thought Cal Poly was a good school. His grandson has just entered the class of 2013.

For all who know it, Cal Poly with its two California campuses, is an excellent state school that emphasizes collaborative experiential learning. However, like all colleges and universities its tier one standing was earned in certain disciplines, not all, and it ranks so because of the faculty and the profile of its students. It is not the right school for everyone but the answer to the question is, “Yes, Cal Poly is a great school.” Perhaps the better question is, “for whom?”

If you’ve been reading my blogs for any length of time you know that I tend to harp on the idea that there is a right school and a right fit for every student. I believe that with every fiber of my being. There are so many factors that come into play in the selection process. That is why I believe it is important to start thinking about college – not the admissions process – early on. Everyone tends to focus on being prepared for the admissions process; the PSATs, the SATs, the ACTs, taking the right courses, accumulating a college bound resume, etc. In other words all the things you hear about when your child hits her/his junior year in high school. Those things are inevitable.

The true preparation for college begins much earlier. It starts when your student begins school. It means whetting their appetite for inquisitive learning, worrying less about grades (that doesn’t mean they’re not important) and more about the knowledge being gained. Talk about college. Let them know about your experience and others. Look at a wide variety of colleges and universities in many parts of the country. As your child explores different interests in their life, expose them to different colleges, maybe even researching schools with them.

Help your child to understand that higher education is just the next natural step in continuing education. Something we all want to do to stay abreast of the times and current in our thinking. It is something artists continue to do all of their lives. Developing a craft takes constant toil but is not drudgery.

When progression follows natural expectation then all of the steps necessary to succeed will be there. If a child starts thinking about college in elementary and middle school and has already acquired a taste for learning, then appropriate grades will not become an issue. When the pursuit is knowledge then learning is fun and good grades tend to follow. Even when the stakes are high the journey shouldn’t be arduous when you start early enough.

Mom and Dad are gone. With their sage words still ringing in your ears, it’s time for you to get going on your own. Think about why you made this choice. It’s rarely just one thing that impels us to make a decision. It’s often an amalgamation of many that make of the whole and therefore the reason you are now on the threshold of four years that will teach you more lessons than you can even imagine. Think about those reasons and affirm your choice.

Be teachable. Be willing to stumble a little in the learning process. In fact, be willing to fall and fail if necessary. That’s where the biggest lessons are learned and the most progress is made. That speech is given to athletes and business entrepreneurs often but it is true for all of us. Particularly those of us in the performing and media arts. Every audition is a risk. Every new performance, every new film is a risk. If an artist doesn’t take the risk then no audience will be challenged or amused. No boundaries would ever be broken. Shouldn’t it be the same with learning? Whether it’s in the field of our craft or other academic studies? Stepping outside of your comfort zone will increase your knowledge and that’s what you’re here to do.

Let’s assume that you and your roommate/suite mates have organized yourselves to start classes and you’re beginning to feel settled into dorm life. You’re learning to appreciate differences while looking for the core things that will make this first semester or quarter livable. Here’s a reminder that you don’t have to love your roommate. Or even spend a lot of time with her/him but you do need to respect one another. In the life-lessons category you will be learning tolerance, negotiation and the importance of boundaries.

Whatever classes you have chosen for yourself or is being required by your department can now be eagerly awaited. Your parents have already dealt with sticker shock when they were weighing your college tuition bills but few students can imagine the cost of textbooks which often become their responsibility to earn. Not buying textbooks is not an option if you plan to pass your course so I suggest you start purchasing and reading those books. When of my favorite pastimes when I was teaching undergraduate Intro to Theatre courses was to saunter by the line at the bookstore at the end of the quarter to see how many students were selling back books without having even cracked the spine!

Enjoy the first couple of “get acquainted” days. Learn your way around campus. Find the best places to study and the best places to meet friends. If you have a moment or two of feeling homesick, embrace it. You’re an artist. It’s o.k. to feel emotions and missing people and familiar places is normal. Don’t obsess over it though. That’s not healthy. When those feelings come, if those feelings come, get busy. Stay active. Do something fun and new feelings will supplant the old ones. Carpus Diem! There’s a reason this saying graces the halls of higher learning.

So go, seize the day and tomorrow we’ll talk about classroom expectations for acting, dance and musical theater students.

Every college and university now provides its own version of Freshman Orientation/Check-in. The larger universities break the freshman and transfer students into smaller more welcoming groups than the entire freshman class, but some of the smaller liberal arts colleges are able to accommodate an entire class without overwhelming everyone with the sheer numbers. Some schools even have what they call “Freshman Experience” which is a required group of core courses or seminars designed to help freshman assimilate. Everyone knows that the first year of college is a big transition year and most colleges want to help make it easier in some way.

It’s been interesting to observe freshman arriving on campus over the years. I’ve seen it from every prospective over many decades. My own was interesting and I can’t imagine it happening that way today, but in the ancient of days it was pretty common place. My belongings were packed and held to be shipped to me at UCLA as soon as I knew where I would be living. I, on the other hand, flew down to Los Angles and was picked up by friends who dropped me off rather unceremoniously on campus. In those days UCLA had one woman’s dorm and a row of sorority houses for girls to live in while going to school. If you were too late to get a room in Mira Hershey Hall or didn’t join a sorority, and if were from out of town, you were in big trouble because UCLA was primarily a commuter school! I was pretty independent. I had already spent many years as a professional actress and dancer and been on my own traveling but I still get butterflies when I think of that first week. Fortunately for me my housing worked out and I gained two sets of school families. My sorority sisters and my theater, film and television family.

Years later when my oldest son, Craig went off to UC, Berkeley my husband and I took him to orientation. The very first thing I learned there was that my son was now considered an adult and that his father and I had no official say in his education! In fact we weren’t even entitled to know his grades or even if he was still registered in school for the semester. We could pay his bills though. Craig was an athlete and was initially drawn to one of the greatest universities in the country more for their tennis team and their coach Bill Wright than for the great academics. That appreciation later changed with maturity and reality I think. I remember standing in his dorm where he would be living with not only his fellow athletes but athletes from other teams with a lump in my throat wondering how I could possibly leave him in that rank college dorm and go back to our comfortable home where he grew up? But he survived and truthfully, I know precious little about his college days which is probably just as well.

Each of our children had entirely different college experiences and I’ll probably write about many of them in the days to come. I also have had the prospective of watching incoming freshman and their families from a college professor’s point of view and have participated in Freshman Orientation and “mini-classes” that parents were invited to attend to acquaint themselves with the type of courses their students would be taking. I’ve listened to comments and heard feedback. I’ve advised freshman students, which generally ends up having more to do with transitioning and relationships than with acting classes, and I’ve served for several years as the head of a parent advisory board to a major university. Each of these experiences has given me a great appreciation for the role of the student, the parent, and the university.

In the end, I think the best start for a student is when the student and parent are welcomed by the college in a meaningful way with each of them enjoying a parallel path in the process and having time to say goodbye quickly as they move into their new roles. In truth, it’s the rare student who wants their parent to decorate their dorm room. The credit card comes in handy for shopping but the decisions need to be theirs and the sooner they get to it the better.

My short commute to work this morning led me past two schools opening their doors for the new school year. A middle school and a high school. As a consummate observer of people it was fun to watch the various scenarios playing themselves out in the early morning.

First there were the excited neighbor children. The girls comparing their first day back to school outfits and the boys showing off their new skateboard tricks. Then there were the groups of middle schoolers walking to school, talking and gesturing and calling out to friends as they approached the school. The final groups were the high school students. They’re diverse in their dress, yet somehow the same. They’re diverse in attitude, yet all showing a certain sense of apprehension. Even when you’re returning to the familiar it’s different. Friends may have changed over the summer. New teachers are waiting your arrival. Even you have changed!

Suddenly I thought of YOU. Those of you who have managed your middle school and high school years and spent the better part of last year planning for your next four years. Those of you who agonized over college acceptances and choices, finally mailing in your letter telling your chosen to get ready, here you come. Now, like the bride and groom at the alter you stand poised to honor your commitment.

Are you feeling nervous? Are you “second guessing” yourself? Do you feel less sure of your major than you did last spring or even last night? Did you wake up in the middle of the night declaring, “What am I doing?” Everyone of these thoughts, whether whispering in your head or shouting out at you are very normal. Very few of us ever make BIG decisions in life without some trepidation. It’s how we proceed that’s important. Facing our fears head on most often exposes them for their lack of substance. After all, you didn’t step on to this academic stage, just as you wouldn’t appear in a play or begin a film, without lots of thought and preparation. You are ready for this new experience and in a few weeks, with just a little more preparation, you will be well into the swing of things in your new environment and the butterflies will be long forgotten.

Where to start? Let’s start with the obvious. Getting organized and getting packed. The organizing part is critical because that keeps you from over shopping and over packing. We joke in our office about the fact that no one reads anymore and yet we turn out reams of written material. Usually everyone waits until two or three days before they leave for our summer workshops and then discover they need to prepare monologues or purchase needed dance shoes or they need a new flash drive or mini dvd. Your colleges are also sending you reams of material. Read it and read it early. Read it more than once. It contains very helpful information. Not just about orientation and classes but about campus organizations and your dorm living accommodations. You may even be given your roommates’ contact information as a helpful way to plan what you’ll bring.

Don’t over pack. Your dorm room probably won’t be much bigger than 12′x19′ and only half of it (or less) will be yours. I’m always a little amused when parents complain about their students accommodations in our summer programs which is generally two students to a room that is often occupied by 3 or 4 students during the regular academic year. Not to mention the visitors that cram in to hang out. If you can’t communicate with your roommate(s) ahead, then perhaps it would be better to buy the new big items when you get there or to have the ones you already own shipped later.

So, with some of these thoughts in mind, start to make lists, shop, plan last activities with your family and friends, and enjoy the last days of summer…and get packing for your new adventure!